An Interview Of The Season

Augsburg's Man In Charge Has Gone Crazy

It was a New Year's eve, Augsburg have just celebrated their best ever finish, 8th place, but it was a rocky season with plenty of ups and downs. Here we hear the thoughts and voice of Anic as he reflects on the season behind us.

First things first, Anic has slipped a secret of success in an uncontrolable emotional outbirst a couple of days before the Christmas. The key to success was 'crying in the corner of the shower'. The newspapers have all jumped on the bandwagon of this new discovery and have called Anic a tactical genius, some went as far in the right direction of 'the best of his era'. JK Rowling has already started writing another book and a sequel to the Hewy Pothah franchise, titled 'Magician Anic', with several big companies battling for movie rights. Rowling is believed to have called her previous work of art an insignificant little piece of *censure* in comparison to the work of this great man.

The Interview

In an interview for 'Augsburger Allgemeine', among many other things, Anic been asked to simplify the theory for the rest of the managers not so lucky to carry the wisdom of the greatest manager to have entered the Top 100 in season 4 or later.

"When you get in there (the shower) after a poor match that your squad forced you to watch, and I'm talking about Kardec in particular, by the way glad you're gone you cunt (directed to Kardec), you need to rethink the whole game of football that I as a manager of course redefined when I entered this GW and made it a lot better. You have to let go and just think, as the tears go down your face. Think about your players, new tactics, what can you do to improve, think about the very existence of the world and is this all actually real. Well, of course it may seem that what I'm doing at Augsburg is a dream, but no it's not! Back on topic, when you wake up in the morning, you'll feel as a new man, you'll feel a lot better. Whole new thoughts will come inside your head, you will see all the possibilities to do with the squad you were assigned and hate so much and put up a new tactics that will make you a legend. For example, I've come up with a new tactics in a crucial time of the season that made me famous here at Augsburg, and I'm even being humble in this interview."

Anic has also looked back on some of the more controversial parts of the season. There would often be offsides called for his sides and yellow/red cards awarded for absolutely nothing.

"Yes, that's true, it was very weird how it all looked back then. We defied the odds and were in top 4. The authorities couldn't allow it and that's what I think happened here. A new manager like myself could simply not take all the fame and be proclaimed the best there ever was in the whole universe and mankind."

The words coming out would have seemed as the usual malarkey that was coming out of the mouth of Beddows the whole past season and we imagine since the very existence of the GW, but unlike Milan, Augsburg have actually had reasons to suspect the world turning against them.

"It's weird, definitely is. I have no idea why this occured so many times. I may sound like a certain somebody who I will not name and shame in this interview, but Beddows would complain all the time without a reason as his players were butchers, and Balotteli was rightly so suspended so many times. But for my players, we're just an innocent club trying to make it in the lowest tier of the GW."

Anic was then asked if he fears he has developed the 'Mourinho Syndrome' so early already in his time at this GW.

"What's that? Oh, you mean when I'm blaming the refs and authorities for my squads poor results and matches? First of all, Mourinho is a no-one in these parts, I'm sure he couldn't even make it in. We call it the 'Beddows Symphony' here and to answer the question, no. We have a valid reason to complain, as the mistakes were blatantly obvious throughout the season."

Anic has been asked about recent visit to the German capital Berlin, and has been seen going into a megastore. Shopping for players maybe?

"Oh, no. I've visited my good friend Mark Stewart and congratulated him on another brilliant season and winning the Division 4. There is absolutely no reason to think that my secret meeting with Muto in the finest Italian restaurant, was me trying to persuade him to come play for us. Oops, let it slip that one heh. Anyways, about the megastore, there are finest showers and shower curtains, all kinds of bathroom materials in the capital, so I went there to check it out so we can prepare for the new season in style, and to get the best stuff before our competition those now that the whole world knows my tactical masterpiece behind the results this season. I need all the best equipment to battle for promotion that will make me the best manager to ever step a foot after season 4 in this GW once done next season."

When asked about transfers, Anic has hinted on some surprising changes to his squad.

"Seri could potentially leave. I wouldn't mind keeping him though, he's been really good this season. Not having his stats high but he's played very well defensively and playmaking altogether. There are also few loans coming in most likely. Other transfers aren't likely as nobody really wants these players, which is even better anyways. It will for sure make me the greatest manager around these parts when I succeed with this squad."

Reflecting on manager merry-go-round, Anic has been asked to give his opinion on some of the moves around.

"Andre leaving Monaco was surprising, who wouldn't want to live in a tax-free province with parties every night and beautiful ladies everywhere? In my opinion, a wrong move for him but glad he's back at Hellas to fix them back up again. Not surprised at Beddows going to Madrid to be honest, his failure at Milan was covered up by his constant moaning about referees and authorities which few of the manager even believed in, sothat  he can then take over Madrid as the valid manager for the job. Mission acomplished as already seen. But truth be told, I envy all his trophies won at Milan, like the Mickey Mouse trophy #1, and especially the Mickey Mouse trophy #3 (in a sarcastic tone, after which both the interview and Anic laughed out loud). Happy to see James move to Dortmund as well, absolutely deserved. Not happy that we couldn't agree a deal on Seri back when he was at Standard. The new manager is a tough cookie to deal with (No offense to Mike, I know that it's actually me who is tough to negotiate with ;) )! Mike will great at Standard and will get them to D3 in no time I'm sure! Alex leaving to City is also deserved, this season proved who was the best manager in Milan in my humble and all knowing opinion. There are other good choices and moves, it's been a really good season on the general level."

On hopes for next season, Anic has said what we all were thinking.

"Alchohol and hookers. Oh sorry, I was on the phone. Anyways, I'd love to get promoted. If we get some good loanees in and better officials in this lowest tier of the GW, we might even do this miracle! Battling for title is also something I'd love to do, but unfortunately the policy for the new managers in the GW stand, no outstanding success for the next 4 seasons. The next season is my 4th, so lets see if we can tackle the officials."

Reflecting on the situations in Brazil, Anic responded in great fashion.

"Spoon Army should be the way of life everywhere, it's just amazing what Nick is achieveing there, redefining the whole country, you go gurl!"

There are plenty of more questions and answers in the interview, but we are not allowed to disclose them due to censures and all that bullpoop that the TV and newspapers policies forbidd. Hope you enjoyed the interview with soon to be one of the best managers on the flat Earth! Long live Junior Seba! Happy New Year!