On the first day of Christmas T100 Gave to me....

The greatest manager in all of AC Milan and Italian History - may we present "Xmas at Milan"

Starring:

Beddows a man never under pressure, as calm as a surfer when confronted with a great white, as talented as a blind skier in an Olympic final speaks to the gathered media as he prepares to lead Milan for a 3rd Xmas - today Top 100's Top impartial journalist Mr Gino Kinnearo caught up with Beddows to discuss the season so far, all things Xmas, his favourite Xmas tunes on his latest album and of course the progress of the other Italian managers this season.

Kinnearo: "Good Evening Mr Beddows, so great to hear from you - great xmas jumper that Mrs Barbara Beddows was wearing by the way!"

Beddows: "Did you like it? We saw it in Milan in a charity shop - we had to buy it - they are all the rage in Turin at the moment - like gold dust - and with DP's continued failure to even attempt to fight for a title you can see why - A winter of discontent surely beckons in talentless Turin!"

Mrs Barbara Beddows wearing a T100 festive piece

  Kinnearo bursts into fits of laughter that he has to pause for breathe and take a sip of his birra morretti.

Kinnearo: "What is brilliant is that Milan are as ever having an exceptional season - are you pleased?"

Beddows: "Reasonably so - we of course have had to contend with the usual b******* in terms of our two best players picking up dodgy yellow and red cards conveniently prior to big matches but that is nothing new - we know how Top 100 operates and if you don't abide by the rules you receive no favours!"

Kinnearo: "Please elaborate!"

Beddows: "Certain managers like Bollocks - I mean Burroughs, and Ruts get given big jobs - or probably paid for them and low and behold they are smashing everyone... total bs if you ask me - Frank defo involved somewhere."

Kinnearo: "What do you make of your old enemy - Malcolm - the one who mocked you for failing as Italy manager - but you then went on to win the World Cup and he was sacked at Fiorentina - never to have been seen in Italy since? - He once won Italian manager of the year - millions of years ago?"

Beddows: "Funny you should say that - they sell t-shirts about him as well all across Italy as well - I am not surprised to see him struggle once again - how many times do I have to publicly state you cannot achieve anything playing prehistoric tactics!"

Another shirt from Beddows' XL wardrobe

Beddows: "All in all though we have not had a bad season, decent league position, WCC knock outs, shield SF, youth cup last 16 - lost on fictional era time - what sort of knobhead came up with that idea??? - we'd love to think we can still get automatic promotion but it will be tough - but I'd say 5 wins in our last 8 might be enough!"

Kinnearo: "Good stuff - how are your Xmas plans coming along? Any plans? I hear you are bringing out a charity album this Xmas?"

Beddows: "Yes, I am raising money for SC - Salve as Colheres - a mass movement across Brazil calling for the release of thousands of the Spoon Army who have been imprisoned on the orders of not only the Brazilian government but also the T100 hierarchy - who have 100% been implicated in setting the wheels in motion to ensure Nick's wheels fall off and he doesn't succeed in T100!"

Kinnearo: "What sort of tunes are you singing for this album? And when is it released?"

Beddows: "Here you go"

Beddows passes Kinnearo a list of songs on the charity album

1. "All I want for Christmas is a Spoon" duet by Beddows and Balotelli
2. "Have yourself a Merry Little Spoon" solo performance by Barzagli
3. "Last Christmas I gave you a Spoon" duet by Beddows and Bonadventura
4. "Spoonin around the Christmas Tree" sung by El Shaarawy, De Sciglio on drums
5. "Its the most wonderful time for a Spoon" sung by Benassi, Balotelli and Brooks
6. "I wish I could watch Balotelli every day" solo performance by Beddows
7. "Feed the dinosaurs - let Malcolm know its Christmas time" duet by Vestegaard and Petagna
8. "Driving Balotelli home for Christmas" solo performance by Beddows
SPECIAL PERFORMANCE
9. "Good King Wheels" duet by Beddows and Wheels (Sao Paulo manager)
AND EVERYONE'S FAVOURITE
10. "I saw Keane kissing Hirst underneath the Christmas Tree" duet by Albrighton and Trippier
INCLUDING A SPECIAL PERFORMANCE OF
11. "Balotelli the red nosed reindeer" sung by the ENTIRE MILAN TEAM

Kinnearo: "fantastic... I look forward to spending 40euros on this! So what are your Christmas plans?"

Beddows: "In response to your question about Xmas - well the SM gods have been kind - possibly - Xmas eve we are at home to everyone's least favourite manager - Mike Scalotti followed by a game on 28th December v Lazio - I am not sure what sort of presents we will be unwrapping on Xmas day - BUT if we get 3 points v Dortmund then MAYBE, just MAYBE I might be opening a "promotion present!"

Kinnearo: "What of your neighbour?"

Beddows: "Mclean doesnt even live in Milan - he commutes daily from Vienna - doesnt even speak Italian - I have a little respect for Inter - but none for him... Lo dicono in Milano che uno che non vive in Milano non capisce la mentalita... and I agree! That man has achieved nothing at Inter and I highly doubt he ever will! I have heard a rumour that he see Inter as a stepping stone - a bit like those at Dovedale in the Peak District - well I for one hope he slips and falls - If I am the one to make it happen then so be it... I will further inform my GOD STATUS among Milan fans if that transpires... if it doesn't then we will all know it is highly likely that the ref has most likely been paid!"

Kinnearo: "Thanks Mr Beddows for your hospitality, free t-shirts, CD's and excellent words I will finish this interview with my famous graph outlining the performance of the Italian based managers in T100 in season 6.

Renowned Italian journalist Gino Kinnearo offers his analysis of how the Italian based managers have done in season 6