Top 100

Spoons Crisis in Brazil

League Position

Sao Paulo, the Giant Spoons of Brazil are currently in the midst of a desperate relegation battle. They sit in 19th position in Division 3 after 20 games, having won only 3 of these whilst losing to teams around them.

So what has happened to the Spoons, where is the fight?

Alberto 'murdering bastard' Manuelas, head of the infamous Spoon Army

Spoon Army

We have to start with the massive police operation nicknamed 'operation utensil' that saw over 75 top ranking members of the notorious 'Spoon Army' handed jail terms ranging from 15 years to life for crimes including murder, corruption, bribery, public littering, drug dealing & gun running.  

This massive operation saw the SA decimated, continually monitored by the state police what was left of the SA went from being the living backbone of Sao Paulo to a limp shadow of their former selves, reduced to charity matches with opposition fans & fund raising jumble sales.

'Big Barbs' in happier times scoring her 19th goal of the season against Athletic Club

Victor 'Big Barbs' Ibarbo

The Sao Paulo talisman who's former clubs include Atletico Nacional, Cagliari and Roma is a massive figure, not only with Sao Paulo FC but in the whole Sao Paulo metropolis. 

There was no-where out of bounds to Big Barbs, nightclubs, beach parties, political soirees, she would stroll in & have the people eating out of her hand. Indeed it's said that she played a big part in smoothing the way for Brazil's President Dilma Rousseffs rise to national power.

On the playing field she held the division record for the last two seasons with 19 goals in each, a formidable achievement. However, that was then and this is now.

This season has seen Barbs reliance on her hormone treatments become ever greater, Internal power shifts in the Brazilian black market caused by the collapse of the SA meant it became ever more difficult for her to get hold of the drugs cocktail that she needs to function.

This, coupled with a growing rift between her and manager Nick Wheels has seen frequent injuries, below par performances, high profile off the field arrests and growing discontent from the ordinary fans. A total of 1 goal in 13 games this season says it all.

The backing she had from former local power figures has disappeared together with her income from lucrative criminal sidelines through the SA.

Manager Nick Wheels reminiscing about happier times

Revival?

Against this background of doom and gloom are there any signs of hope?

Well just maybe. 

Hard working manager Nick Wheels has bought in striker Nicola Sansone from Michael Bowes Arsenal with young star De Ligt and Jenkinson heading the other way.

In a recent interview Wheels hailed this move as possibly the 'Salvation of the Spoons' whilst also hinting that De Ligt had a potentially serious yeast infection that could threaten his future career and that Sao Paulo was, in his words, 'well rid of the little Dutch yeasty twat'.

Next month also sees the retrial of 55 convicted Spoon Army ultras, forced by the discovery of 'new evidence' and the disappearance of prominent witnesses. If, as it's widely predicted their convictions are quashed then their return to the T100 terraces could coincide with a Sao Paulo revival and a rise up the division 3 table.

Brazilian rivals Cruzeiro, also known as the 'Tea-towels'

Cruzeiro

Spoons next fixture sees them host Brazilian rivals Cruzeiro who under the astute management of Oran Robson currently occupy 2nd place in the division.

The focus, usually on the inevitable bloodbath off the field, with the SA incarcerated, will be solely on the football field. To get anything from this game will be an incredibly tough ask for Spoons but it's games like this where heroes are born and reputations forged. One such player who could achieve both is Sansone on his debut for Spoons.

Ex-President Dilma Rousseff used to say 'anything can happen in politics' before she was impeached, if that's true in politics, then it's more than true in T100 football and at the Morumbi stadium this Sunday evening.