Big Barbs Diary #2

                           Yes it's...Big Barbs Diary #2

Welcome to.....Big Barbs Diary

Hi everybody. I'm Victor Big Barbs Ibarbo & I play centre forward for a cute little Brazilian club known as Sao Paula, no, Sao Paulo that's the one. 

And yes, it is your lucky day cos.... this is my Diary! Yay!!

Hello bastards, well you would not believe whats been going on round 'ere since I last wrote.

Firstly Sao went on a jolly to Genoa for some cup game or other. Now anyone who's ever seen me knows I looove Italian fashion, and yes, you'r right, it loves me. So I'd packed me bags, all me pills, me fags, me 'roids, the bloody lot & the gaffer only turns round to me & says 'your not coming Barbs, you're looking a bit tired, I'm resting you bab'. 

Well, I couldn't believe me ears but before you could say sloppy seconds they'd foocked off & left me at the airport!

I was livid, tired my arse. I'd only been out at Club Rouge till 3am for fucks sake, & I went home alone - well, I say alone, the bastard collapsed face down in 'is kebab so I fooked off & left 'im there.

But that bastard Wheels wasn't finished there. He only went & signed that old crock Gildarno to play in my place. The fooking liberty! I know this cos he came through airport security while I was there.

Well he tried to anyway. Now the thing about Gilds as anyone that's been in the game as long as me knows is that 'es famous for one thing & one thing only. That's right, Anal Beads. And he only had the fuckers in on the plane didn't he!  Well 3 hours and 6 cavity searches later he finally joined me in the bar. I was on my 15th Guinness by then so not too smashed to drive so I took him back to my place & gave him some Mamba horlicks to calm 'is nerves. Meanwhile Spoons had pulled off a 'famous' victory in Genoa apparently, that little runt Gregoritsch scored & if I know 'im, that wasn't all that got pulled off either.

Next 'ome game the gaffer only goes an' starts Gildy, what the fuck?  I'd shat in 'is boots & put caustic soda in 'is jockstrap but even then that fookin joke of a gaffer didn't bring me on till the 60th minute.

Fook this for a game of soldiers I said to myself, Barbs, you've gotta do something now to make the gaffer realise how valuable you are to this team, to get those fans singing your name again - so I went down with extreme period pains & got myself stretchered off and I'll be fooked if I'm coming back for at least a week - fuck 'em.