BREAKING - Outrage in Milan

The Milan Managers office was not a happy place to be this evening as Manager Beddows flipped when it was discovered that a plot has been hatched against him and his players, namely Balotelli, who apparently has failed a drugs test.

“It is a scandal – a conspiracy” said Beddows

The Plotters:

Beddows declared that he has long suspected that a sextet of managers has been plotting day and night against Beddows due to jealously of the team spirit and limelight that he takes from them, among them 3 from Italian clubs. The chiefest of those managers has been Mister Malcolm, the Fiorentina dinosaur of SM who according to Beddows publicly questioned Balotelli’s form (13 goals in 8 games now) earlier in the season demanding that he be drug tested which has now apparently been completed... 

Juventus manager DP then quickly joined in (ironic Beddows remarked – was it just a coincidence or part of a planned plot?) stating: “this is not right – I just cannot fathom how a player like Balotelli is scoring so many goals – there must be something amiss.”

The public endorsements of something amiss from two of T100 most vocal and dishonest managers set the rumour mill into a frenzy – Was Balotelli taking something? Was Beddows lying to all and sundry?

Mister Malcolm - Most dishonest Dinosaur? Were they really ever extinct?

Mister Malcolm quickly set his media empire into action gathering allies – including David Senior (who he quickly made the BJ of the whole affair), Nuno Bento, Mark Stewart and a chief Beddows hater, Brian Clough.)

The Boris Johnson of the whole anti-Beddows campaign

David Senior began: “How is it possible that a player scores 13 goals in 8 games, even Messi can’t do that – upon Malcolm’s advice I contacted Hogwarts, the Ministry of Magic  and Sabrina the Teenage Witch at once to see if Beddows and Balotelli were indulging in the Dark Arts – but they refused to comment – which made me feel that something is definitely amiss.”

Next the reporters questioned Nuno who in broken English responded (much to Mister Macolms annoyance) “I not sure why I here… where are the superstars young that I want? Please help?” at which point the reporter realised that Nuno wasn’t a viable source of information.

They then questioned an unlikely ally of Malcom’s, Mr Mark Stewart, who like Nuno was clearly lost and simply answered “Baaaaaaaa” to every question that was put his way (DP was not amused – it was unclear whether this was down to Stewart’s answer OR the Malcolm’s selection of allies.)

DP then entered the fray – “We have analysed a sample of Balotelli’s hair and it is clear from this sample that he has been taking drugs. I know every player in this gameworld and own 50 of them and have 1000 on my shortlist and no player out performs their potential than Balotelli. The drug test was through and clear and 100% he has been taking performance enhancing drugs… the hair sample proves this…”

DP continued: “I am completely stunned that Frank Hirst, our great beloved leader refuses to enter the debate – he continues to pick him for TOTW when at Inter and other clubs there are far more eligible candidates… it is disgraceful and I have written Frank a strongly worded letter about all of this…”

David Senior then butted in… “Everyone knows Mario is S***… he was even mocked by Mister Malcolm post World Cup who called for him to be dropped – the laws of maths and physics simply do not match up – this level of achievement is witchcraft, unnatural – it would be like Wales reaching the semi-finals of a Major tournament – impossible…”

Mark Stewart with his sheep like features seemed to get excited about hearing the word Wales and bleated out a rather high pitch “baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” at this point… leading the gathered press to further question the validity of the delegation.

And then the angriest of all the managers, Brian Clough entered the fray – “I f****** hate Beddows… him and his Milan band of brothers are a menace to this world and there is NO WAY, NO WAY that he is capable of putting together a professional outfit that is drug free to lead Division Two… it is f****** disgraceful…”

Some members of the press then asked Brian why his brother Roy (Real Madrid) wasn’t there… to which he replied… “Are you f****** stupid – with this rabble maybe he would have turned up but have you seen David Senior – he is spitting f****** image of that Yorkshire B****** that claims to be a M***… No chance!”

Malcolm seemed clearly flustered by this outburst and was unsure of how to proceed – with Nuno still searching the room for talent, Mark Stewart looking for grass, Brian Clough scowling, David Senior calling his lawyer and DP looking angrier than PMW in Leige…

PMW in Bruges with another friend earlier today

“Balotelli has failed a drugs test – this much is clear – We cannot and will not tolerate breaking the rules or magic in T100 and he must be stopped – a 5 month ban I call for!”

“And off with Beddows’ head” added Senior before the journalists were ushered from the room.

Beddows Supporters: (The response)

Beddows laughed loudly after being shown a video cassette of the press conference and quickly summoned his own allies to fight his corner, first in the queue was chief Beddows admirer Ryan Chisholm who appeared to be under duress when addressing the media…

“My cousin and Balotelli have done nothing wrong – indeed they are a magic combination but this does not indicate sorcery or drugs…”

Chisholm doesnt believe the test results to be true

Next up was Kinnear – the Liverpool manager is not Beddows’ biggest fan but he was happy to call down Mr DP – “DP is a man who loves the limelight – this fabrication of Balotelli’s hair testing positive for a banned substance – that is like suggesting that the whole of Syria was about to come to England via the channel tunnel in the next 12 months – how the hell would anyone be stupid enough to believe any of that?”

Kinnear has had enough of finding DP outside his house every morning - WTF!

And finally another Beddows ally stepped up to the plate – Lee Reynolds (Dortmund) “I am 150% confident that Balotelli is innocent and his form is purely down to Beddows’ genius!”

These responses and support from the other managers did not dampen the hatred towards Beddows, Balotelli and Milan as the anti-Milan brigade continues to gather strength on Social Media this evening – with Mister Malcolm clearly pulling the stringers behind the scenes orchestrating every post, comment and share in the hope that he will gain Frank’s attention and get Balotelli banned or perhaps even better force him to move to Fiorentina.

David Marsden (Hamburg) questioned the validity of the defence and stated that support from a family member as clear evidence of Balotelli’s guilt, Bob Sal (Sassuolo) also took to his carrier pigeon sending his worry than drug misuse might spread through the gameworld and ruin the community and result in unfamiliar results if action was not taken swiftly…

Beddows himself refused to comment, so angry he was – he was seen disappearing from the Milan training ground as if by magic (Did he dissaperate?) late this evening and was later spotted at a Bunga Bunga party with an array of beautiful girls which he openly admits he acquires through talent, good lucks and hard cash NOT by magic…

What Frank thinks of this latest scandal to hit Milan and Top 100 remains to be seen but surely all will be revealed in due course.