A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS IN TURIN

Turin at Christmas

It's been a while since I contributed to the blog. Too long to be honest but with so much going on in my life, I just didn't have the time. Since my last blog, which I am sure was in black and white, the biggest change has been leaving a comfortable job at Liverpool and taking on a much more difficult one in the football hungry city of Turin. When Torino wanted to speak to me about their vacant post I told them I had no idea where the post had gone but it definitely wasn't me that stole it. Once the chairman explained that it was a job offer and not an accusation I accepted but still denied knowing anything about the missing post. I was, of course, followed to Italy by my favourite journalist who you will know as Fanny Licker. Well Fanny has also had a big change in her life. She met and married rock star Johnny Fishface and she is now Fanny Fishface. A nice aroma to that name I would say.



Her first task in Turin was to speak to the Torino supporting public. Most seem delighted at the club getting such a big name but the best reply came from a fan called Antonio Esposito.

Fanny: A quick word sir. You speak English?

Antonio: Huh

Fanny then changed into her fluent Italian

Fanny: You speak-a de English-a

Antonio: Aaah, Si, a little. Wait are you not the well known journalist, Pussy Wetter? No, erm, it is similar, no?

Fanny: Yes, actually it is Fanny Licker now Fanny Fishface

Antonio: Si, of course. What can I do for your Fanny?

Fanny: What do you think of the new Torino manager?

Antonio: Aaah, Signore Gino. I am delighted especially after our last disaster. A funny story actually. When we hired our last manager, the information was very patchy. My friend, Giovanni, he told me we had an Australian. Some guy called Mick. I was so excited. 'I know this guy' I said. He is awesome. It will a great sight coz if we are losing he will just send on a couple of crocodiles and they will take care of our opponents defence and then we go on and win. At our first home game you can imagine my disappointment when they introduced the new manager. Mick Hudson was the announcement. What the fuck does he have to do with crocodiles? I was expecting that bloke with the crocodile teeth on his hat. You know, that Mick Dundee guy so I boo-ed this Michael Hudson guy and when we finished mid-table I was already screaming for a new man. He got better and took us to the play offs where we lost. Wait, this guy was a loser and he proved me right by getting us relegated the next season. Too bloody interested in the TOP100 Shield where he got us to the final only to prove he was still a loser. Next the Division 5 play offs and again a loser before complete mediocrity in Season 5. He decided to leave before he was lynched and we were angry fans. However news of the new boss made us very happy and look what Signore Gino has done in his first season!! We are back to being a Division 4 team and we are closing the gap from that black and white scum across the city.

The last Torino manager - according to Antonio

Fanny: Thank you Antonio for that wonderful insight. One more question, do you have a big cock?

Antonio: No, molto piccolo.

Fanny: Piccolo? What the fuck? So I can play it like a flute? Doesn't matter. Meet me in my hotel tonight.

Kinnear has brought the crowds back to Torino

So it has been a very happy, merry Christmas for all Torino fans. They can see the club moving forward and are excited for this season ending and the new fixtures coming out for next season. As for me, I am really enjoying Italy and I have signed up to the 'GBOOI' organisation. Not sure what it means really but one of the non-English speaking members told me it meant 'Ottenere Beddows Fuori Dall'Italia'. Surely it should be the OBFD organisation then but apparently GBOOI is the English name. I still have no idea what I am paying my 1000 euros a month for.

Well, I hope everyone had a great Christmas and have recovered enough to look forward to the New Year. I don't know if I will have time to contribute more often to the blog but I will see what happens. Would like to bring back the Thursday blog but, if I do, then it will be random Thursday's and not every one.

That's me for now. Catch you all later.

Ciao