Yes it's...Big Barbs Diary #3
#3... Score in a Brothel
Hi everybody. I'm Victor Big Barbs Ibarbo & I play centre forward for a cute little Brazilian club known as Sao Paula, no, Sao Paulo that's the one.
And yes, it is your lucky day cos.... this is my Diary! Yay!!
YOU COULDN'T SCORE IN A BROTHEL is the chant that was viciously aimed a me by those disgusting, uncouth Marseilles street rats yesterday. And it hurt. Which is why I walked off after 20 minutes & didn't come back on till just before half time. Yes, you heard me, I walked off the field of play, if Montari can do it why not Big Barbs? I was hurting, it was a protest at the slanderous chants against my goal scoring abilities, I was in the RIGHT!.
Try telling that to that excuse of a manager Wheels - he bollocked me so hard - in front of the dressing room at half time I might add- that his false eye fell in Cesar's pot noodle.
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| Eye eye! Where's me other one gone then? |
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| A pot noodle today |
Tell that to FIFA who are on about making an 'example' of me. And tell that to the Spoons fan who sent me a whole dead duck through the post - yes, that really happened, saved me popping to Brazilian Aldi though.
Enough of your favourite player for now, it's time for some 'behind the scenes beans at Sao Paulo.
Gildarno
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| Gilds signalling to the bench |
Well it's been a long time coming but Gilds pelvic floor has finally given way & totally prolapsed.
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| Manager Wheels at the press conference |
It's no secret in the game that Gilds anal bead use was at a scary level & he's finally paid the ultimate price. Can't see him playing again, especially since he's now glued himself into his commode.
Wheels
The fuckwit with the Spoons kit is under pressure & boy does it show. His drinking has become almost constant & he's always on the phone those arestrology lines trying to pick a winning side. He may as well just roll a dice cos most of the squad think he's a fuckin retard & couldn't give a toss anyway. Well, that's my opinion at least.
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| Managers Breakfast |
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| Some chillies today |
Sansone
The tossboss has gone & signed some young kid from Arsenal, some cocky fuckin big knob I'll bet. We've had 'em here before. Some Dragons Breath chillies in his undercrackers, verucas in his porridge and LSD in his energy drink will soon sort 'im out. 12 hours mentally tripping with Big Barbs gyating around you to the sounds of Telly Savalas is enough to break any young mind.
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| Sansone prior to his move |
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| Sansone after a week at Spoons |
We'll soon having him drooling into his cornflakes & playing like a shit banjo, he'll fit in nicely then.
T100
That clown Beddows should be happy, he's finally won a trophy, well his 'fans' have - fans, they're more like hired goons - yes the annual worlds ugliest fans has been won by Milan this year, just pipping Celtic & Liverpool to the prize. Villa fans will be distraught after winning it the last 2 years on the trot but thats what you get when you let women shave.
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| Some Milan Fans today |
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| Bruin as Simon Cowell didn't go down well on set |
David Senior at Valencia is rumoured to be auditioning for a part in the new Spice Girls reboot. This tells the modern day story of 5 young, fiesty women who form a band that scores chart success with bubbly
girl powered pop until they get ripped apart by Spice, eventually being responsible for some of the most odious & depraves sex crimes in British history. I've heard David's got a good chance of playing bABY sPICE.
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| Senior in a earlier casting shoot |
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| Broodin' Putin |
That's about it from me, can't write much more cos I'm on a train filled with Lokomotiv fans who are all jumping up & down cos their poxy team is top of some league. I've just sent an email to Putin informing him all about their new song 'Crimea belongs to Ukraine's democratically elected Government' with the whole 6 verses
in full so we'll see how long they're celebrating for.
see ya soon, tarra a bit kids
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