The Interview the World has been waiting for

Click Read More for the full content

Beddows and Balotelli being interviewed after the Liverpool game

PARKINSON: In this special edition of Parkinson we welcome two gentlemen from the planet of the famous Top100 Soccer Manager World. Will you welcome all the way from Italy and from the AC Milan football club, Mr Stephen Meadows and Mario Balotelli!!! What? Oh yes, apologies to all, I meant Mr Stephen Beddows, yes, Beddows (nervous laugh)....

Well first of all can I congratulate you both on gaining promotion to the top Division of the whole world last season and ask you both how does it feel?

Stephen: It was some weeks ago now and since then we have gone on to win the World Cup with Italy and been producing some masterful football that has led some of my rivals to claim I’m some sort of managerial genius! Beating small teams like Liverpool, drawing with wankers like Juventus and big sides like Barcelona - so far it has been a hoot!

Mario: Well obviously I played a huge role last season, my 31 goals, 10 assists and 19 man of matches were key… but the credit must go to Beddows he is unique!

PARKINSON: Stephen, in all this celebration of the promotion, the fact that you led the team to relegation the season before last seems to have been swept under the carpet. Is it just a case of that being in the past and this promotion is now?

Stephen: Relegation? I don’t recall any relegation… (laughs hysterically.)

PARKINSON: Mario, you had quite the season, scoring 31 goals in 36 games, not forgetting 10 assists. It is even more incredible considering that for 33 of they games, you were an injury doubt just hours before the game. How can you explain these remarkable recoveries or is it, like most people think, that you are just a big fat liar?

Mario: Parky – you are a funny old man – mind games – I was pretty much 100% fit all of the time – in fact Beddows has cotton wool insulation put around my house and my car!

PARKINSON: Did you have anything to do with these 'illnesses' Stephen?

Stephen: Only the cotton wool bud!

PARKINSON: One of the main things I wanted to ask you Stephen was did you know that Sun Life offer the most popular over 50's funeral plan in the UK? It has a guaranteed pay out after you die and you get a Parker Pen just for enquiring. Don't even try to say you are under 50 because no one is falling for it.

Stephen: Well I’m nearly 32 which is a tad depressing if I’m honest but Parky you must have tonnes of Parker pens? Right? More than the Liverpool manager? 

PARKINSON: Mario, you are known as a bit of a loner but you must have had an influence that helped you have such a great season. Who would you like to thank?

Mario: Beddows was that influence – an inspirational leader, motivator of men the like I have never seen before or ever will. And the World Cup – wow… being top player in the whole of T100 in Season 3 was special – but golden boot winner and MVP was something else and I owe everything to the belief Beddows has in me.

PARKINSON: On a serious note Stephen, your links with the so-called journalist Gino Kinnearo has aroused suspicion of wrong doings with Gino Kinnearo having underground links to the Mafia network. An underground network that has stops in Scicily, Naples, Milan and Rome. Can you sit there in front of tens of people watching this and deny that you have been riding the Mafia train of ... of ... of ... erm .. underground stops? (shrugs shoulders while looking at the director).

Stephen: What Silvio does is none of my business. To be honest I regularly put in cash bids for top players in T100 yet they are never accepted – maybe it is due to the money being counterfeit? Dunno.

PARKINSON: Back to you Mario and defences in the top flight are a lot more difficult to crack. Michael Bowes' Arsenal, in particular, say they have a special defence lined up just for you. Do you have any new moves that no one has seen to try and score enough goals to stop you being referred to as a 'diddy'?

Mario: I have 7 in 11 this season which is outstanding in my opinion. I’m just baffled that I’m yet to be in TOTW! To add to that Bowes mocked me last season and we played them like 3 times in the WCC and I scored in all of them - I'm looking forward to playing them this season! 

PARKINSON: Stephen, the fans seem to have taken to you after calling for your head the previous season. Are they likely to turn on you again when you, I mean if, yeah if, you struggle. Should they be looking at trying to invent their own identity and entertainment, like the spoon army at Sao Paulo, rather than watch the pish you might put on the park?

Stephen: Pish? Is that a Scottish word? Michael we are performing very well – above expectations and we intend to try our hardest to at the very least to finish 3^rd bottom. Time will tell though and we will see.

PARKINSON: Candreva to Liverpool. Fact or fact? The rumour is Mr Candreva wants to play in England with a team that has a chance.

Stephen: Candreva scored inside the 1^st minute against Liverpool yesterday – did you see that Mr Parkinson? And why would anyone want to live in Scouseland? Rats are not a delicacy? And Candreva likes to eat throughout the year not only at Xmas time! 

PARKINSON: Just to round things up Stephen, I have a question sent in by a fan, well about 25,000 fans at the last count to be honest. What will it take for you to resign from the club?

Stephen: The loss of Barbara’s affections towards my project.

Well, thank you Stephen and Mario for coming along tonight and good luck for the rest of the season. It has been a pleasure .... for you.

Now guys we have the exclusive video of a particular T100 manager showing his moves to his players after a recent important league victory.

Who is? 

Watch to find out.