SM Top 100 Season 3 Round Up - Gameday 1

Here follows an account of the activities and results from SM Top 100 Gameday 1 as told by impartial Italian Journalist, Gino Kinnearo and his friends

As impartial judge Gino sat and presented the show live from the San Siro he had three top Italian journalists in each Division watching tonight events unfold on SM Top 100 TV goal view which showed the main action live of every game simultaneously.

DIVISION ONE:

Reporters: Federica Figa, Benedetto Mangiapane and Francesco Fragola

Federica is a great fan of Mister Malcolm as she wanted to be a palaeontologist in her younger years and loves older men but she was horrified when DP's Juventus nearly sent the dinosaurs to extinction in an emphatic 3-0 win tonight in a match between what were Italy's top two sides.

Broon ate too many Turkish delights as his saw his side drop points from a winning position as the favourites for the drop, Liverpool, came from two down to get a point 2-2... Francesco commenting that it left a bitter sweet taste in his mouth as he'd placed 500 euros on Fener when 2-0 up at 5/1...

Poor Fred Dodger who should have been sacked quite frankly last season was destroyed by Barcelona and Scott Mckenzie who elected to site in his Nou Camp throne as opposed to alongside his coaching staff pitchside. And what of poor Lee Reynolds, apparently the Dortmund manager is now 40 (more like 70) and on his return to SM Top 100 Div 1 he was utterly destroyed by everyone's favourite manager Roy Keane, whose Real Madrid side toyed with little Dortmund who looked more out of their depth than Louis Tomlinson did at Old Trafford. FRANKBET now make Dorymund 1/10000 favs to go down.


DIVISION TWO:

Reporters: Giacomo Gondola, Giuseppe Gelato and Vanessa Volpe

Where else can we begin but at the San Siro, Beddows who has been absent from the touchline due to World Cup duties was delighted to be back in Milan and his side produced a masterful performance to destroy Sevilla 1-0. Who scored... well obviously it was Mario Balotelli, the Italian international who recently signed a new 5 year contract was delighted with 3 points and made no excuses for his sides aggressive approach to the game.

Neil Frankland's Roma were run away winners as well with a 3-0 against pre-season title favourties Inter Milan, Brian Clough had no answers to Franklands dominant attacking football which was comparable only to the Battle of Balaclava when the English stood no chance against the well positioned Russian artillery.

CSKA Moscow and Daniel Innes must surely still be on holiday as they allowed Monchengladbach walk all over them 5-1... Greg Owen and David Inglis (Loko and Everton) also are facing relegation battles this season after opening day defeats.

DIVISION THREE:

Reporters: Alessandra Pesca, Daniela Mucca, Renata Ronaldo

Both Kun al and Francesco Signorile (Gala and Cruzeiro) have shot stragiht to the top of the bookies odds for the sack race with both now 1/90 joint favourties as both sides rolled over to Genoa and Aston Villa with Frank Hirst and Rahul delighted to have picked up 3 points in their quest for maximum 114 points come game 38. Although Daniela Mucca still thinks Rahul wont have the bottle to achieve top 3 and as for Frank well if he finishes top 3 we will all no why!

Josh Mcmillan clearly cant cope with life in France as his side could only manage a 1-1 draw in a local derby with Golden Bears Monaco.

The big surprise of the evening came in Turkey when relegated manager Nathan Prince (formerly of Galatasaray) took charge of Besiktas for the first time against pre-season favs Southampton and Besiktas actually won a game - yes Prince actually hit the right notes and sang the right tune and got 3 points our of his players - Is Mike Scallotti due to be sacked - as he doesnt read the blog we are unlikely to find out any time soon.

DIVISION FOUR:

Reporters: Benito Crema, Davide Culo, Federico Faccia di Merda

Davide was most impressed by Mark Hewitt and David Marsden who both lead the table early doors but due to SM not allowing us to view the results collectively we cant say who beat who without excessive clicking - all Davide had to say was he would willingly marry Federico Faccia di Merda if either Hamburg or Montpeiller win promotion this season.

Michael Hudson (The crazy Kangaroo) and Sean Cass played out the most boring game in SM Top 100 history with a 0-0 draw, not the inspiring form that the fans would expect of title contenders.

Marco of the Angels (Sampdoria) and Andrew Kelly (Villarreal) both lost on the opening day as they both stand on the edge of destruction and the dreaded fall into that mental world that is wonderland, otherswise known as the relegation zone.

DIVISION FIVE:

Reporters: Gino Figlo di Kinnearo, Pascal Puttana, Ivan Pomodoro

Gino Figlio di Kinnearo was in Holland to witness Ryan Chisholm actually win a game, 4-3 in Twente. Ryan Chisholm who was blamed (as Italy's assistant manager) as the reason Italy didnt win the world cup and subsequently sacked was delighted to actually win a game with a hat-trick from Van Wolfswnklel.

Tom Pariff (Levante) James Foster (Liege) and PMW (Anderletcht) were all delighted to win comfortably on day 1 as they each seek to climb on top of each other in the assault for Division 4.

Mark Stewart (Hertha) and Gav Harmer (Werder) will both be unhappy with Day One results with Bremen fans already protesting that Harmer as a relegation specialist was the wrong appointment for the German side in the first place. It is expected he will be replaced by the end of the week.