Dynamo-rons to Make America Grate

Vladimir Putin officially severed all ties with Dynamo Moscow today, in the wake of the team’s spectacular collapse last season.

“Mother Russia is about winning. Razzaque is about whining. I was going to arrange a little accident for him but a good friend offered a better solution. I am officially signing an executive order selling Dynamo Moscow to an overseas buyer.”

And with that proclamation, they sealed the deal, even if the buyer appeared to misjudge Russian kissing protocol.

5 minutes later, on Amazon.

The Donald's first act as owner will be to review his new club's season and determine Razzaque's fate.